I learned so much from one student during the last five years. She became known as my "other daughter" and though I helped her grow as a person; she helped me grow as a teacher and as a person as well. She has now graduated from high school. Before exploring the lessons I learned from this experience I need to provide a bit of background to give context to the lessons I learned.
In eighth grade she was having a rough couple days. Rough even for an eighth grade girl. She was so down on herself that I had all the teachers on our team write a quick positive affirmation on a card that I gave to her at the end of the day. As hoped the card made a difference and her mood changed. I thought I had done some good and that would be the end of it. Wrong.
We are a preK-12 building and she quickly began stopping by everyday. This turned into every morning and almost every afternoon through four years of high school. Often stopping by during school day as well. I swear she knew my schedule better than I did. We'd celebrate accomplishments and birthdays of her and her friends before school (my breakfast club). I continued to help her work through some difficult issues (see the * below) and became a mentor, confidant, and father figure.
What did I learn from all this?
I learned how to listen and communicate better. I did not have (I realize this now) really good listening skills. The ability to know when and when not to talk. The ability to know what questions to ask and when to ask them. I had never had to help someone through a crisis before.
Real relationships take time. Being seen at their softball game by students is great. Asking what a students will be doing on the weekend is also a great way to build rapport. But, As Aaron Hogan points out in Shattering the Perfect Teacher Myth, "It better be real." I'm not sure I would have truly understood what this meant unless I had this experience first. You need to be able to open up. Freely give of yourself. No, you can't do this with every student; however, some students need that deeper connection to a caring adult more than others.
I learned perspective taking. When helping her I began asking questions such as,"What would make someone do this?" or "How would I react to this situation?". I began transferring these perspective taking skills to working with other students (not intentionally) and trying to understand what drives students to make certain decisions.
*I learned how to work as a school team to help students. Sure, I knew a bit of how to do this before, but no in depth practical experience with an individual student for an extended period of time. Parents, admin, and guidance and other adults were all involved at some point. For some students it takes a team of adults working together to get them to a better place. As a teacher I need to be willing to go to bat for students to get them the help they need.
The most important lesson was the first one I learned the day I gave her that card: even the smallest act of altruism can have far reaching positive effects.
-This post is a small reflection on a life-changing experience and I felt compelled to share out something. Guess its kind of a "thank you" to her. There is probably more I learned and that may be written upon more reflection.-
